If you’ve spent any time around me, you’ve heard me say “Attachment is the trap”. I’ve seen you roll your eyes at me and I’ve fielded the questions…
“Aren’t you attached to your husband/daughter?”
“Aren’t you attached to your body?”
This gets into some tedious wordplay and I kind of feel the need all of a sudden to try to put myself to the task of clarifying my position and the way I deal with attachment.
Firstly, of course I love my family. Of course I want to keep my body alive. My brain is hardwired to make sure those things happen. I have very little choice in the matter – and that’s as it should be. Where I do have choice is in how much weight I put on those loves. Will my clinging to my daughter as her child years melt away make anything any better? Clinging to those moments with tears in my eyes only puts bittersweet all over them when they could be full of more pure joy! I want the memory of pure joy to be clear in my mind when I’m 70 and haven’t held a 4 year old foot in my hand for 35 years. That’s why I work so hard to let go of the bittersweet – the fear of losing what is ABSOLUTELY going away right now like sand through my fingers.
I cannot make her tiny and precious forever. The whole point of raising a child is to help them GO AWAY! If you do it right, maybe you get a continued good relationship… but maybe you don’t. Maybe it’s not even your fault. Life is like that. Accepting that possibility of loss at every turn is really hard. No joke, but if you can let go and just enjoy the hell out of your moment RIGHT NOW, I promise you, it feels like all of eternity has just unfolded before your eyes and in your heart.
Every time I feel the fear that I’ll lose a moment, a person, a possession, my health, it feels like time shrinks in on me and chills my soul. I don’t like that feeling. That is as simple as I can possibly make my philosophy I think…
What about godstuff? Well… On my path, I have found it useful to accept that all the godstuff is beyond my feeble brain’s ability to completely suss out. The more I study and learn, the more I realize that the Great Mystery is easier for me if I just kind of try to listen to it without defining it. That doesn’t mean I think that’s the best way of thinking for everybody, but that’s what I do.
So there’s that.
I feel better now.
Onward and upward!